I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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