I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
