We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
