Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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