But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
