Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
