Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
