Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
