I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
