if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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