I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
