You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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