My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
