u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
