C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
