I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
