it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
