Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
