he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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