i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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