btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
