i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
