it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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