Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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