Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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