she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
