how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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