i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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