YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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