hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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