I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
