you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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