Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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