I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
