I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
