Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yo dont text me then not text me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
