I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
