We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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