i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
