Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
