did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize