apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
