i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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