i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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