Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
