mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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