I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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