How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
