new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
