WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
