Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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