if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
