Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
