We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
